Centerfold - Most Embarrassing
by XxTartLoverxX
Summary: Just a short one-shot pulled out of chapter 11 of Centerfold. Some of you wanted to read ALL of the Merry Men's most embarrassing stories, so here they are. I hope I didn't miss anyone. Enjoy! Rating is for language and sexual conversations.


**Characters aren't mine. I just made them more human.**

Here is the one-shot of the Merry Man's most embarrassing stories. Most of these are true and the people who experienced them are still scarred by these stories. This is just for laughs.

Rated M for language and sexual conversations.

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**Most Embarrassing Stories - Merry Man Style**

Ranger

"When I was sixteen, I hooked up with a girl that I met at a party. She took me to her parent's house to have sex. We were upstairs and going at it when we heard the front door open and her father yell up the stairs. She was scared shitless and pushed me out of her bed and toward the window. I didn't have time to put my clothes on before she shoved me out on her roof and locked the window. I had to shimmy down the drain pipe and run to my car, which was parked down the block, naked as a jay bird. It didn't help that every house that I ran past had those motion lights on the front so it wasn't like I could hide in the darkness."

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Tank

"You all know that Lula and I have been getting closer. And you all know the type of woman who my Lula is. Her and I went shopping one night at Treasure Pleasure. Lula wanted some massage oil and handcuffs. Well, while we were there Lula decided to check out the collection of vibrators. I guess they had some new ones in stock because she was all excited. She picked up one that resembled a horses dick and then turned to me and said, 'Oh look Tankie, they finally made one your size. Now I'll have something to use when you're away.' I was so mortified because Lula isn't a quiet woman and the entire store heard her. It wouldn't have been bad if we were the only one's in the store, but of course I have to look over and see our skip, Gregg Humphries, laughing his ass off and pointing at me."

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Les

"So...you know that my exploits with the ladies are legendary, right? Well, one night in Miami...I met this sexy as hell woman. She was tall and blonde and perfect. Her boobs were huge and she was all over me in the club. I decided that she was good enough to take home so we made our way out of the club. Her lips never left my skin on the way to my apartment and her hands were doing some very clever things with my crotch. When I got her inside my apartment and started to undress her, I became aware of two things. First...her boobs were fake and second...her penis wasn't."

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Bobby

"It was fifteen and some friends and I decided to go down to a local pond to swim one hot afternoon. Someone had tied a rope to a tree on a big hill that kids used to swing down and jump into the pond. All of my friends were climbing the hill and swinging down so I decided that I needed to do it too. So I climbed up the hill and grabbed the rope. I looked down and saw that a group of girls had joined my friends on the bank of the pond. In that group was the girl that I had a crush on, Jaime Stevens. I decided to impress her so I not only climbed the hill, I climbed the damn tree. I perched on a high branch and grabbed the rope. I backed up as far as I could before jumping off. Little did I know that my swimming trunks got snagged on a branch and ripped off when I jumped from the branch. So there I go, flying through the air with my twig and berries flapping in the wind. In the end, I got a date with the girl...but that was so embarrassing."

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Cal

"So I was thirteen living with my parents and a typical horny teenager. I used to spank my monkey every day multiple times. One afternoon, I got horny and went into the bathroom to 'relieve' myself. My parents had put the house up for sale so there were people constantly there looking at it. I didn't think to lock the door, I had too many other things on my mind. So there I was whacking off with a copy of my mom's JC Penny catalogue - turned to the underwear section of course - when the door opens and in walks not only my mom, but the parents of my best friend. They were looking at the house to buy it, and all stood with shocked looks on their faces. I didn't know what to do so I just stood with my dick in my hand and my mouth hanging open. I never heard the end of that when I was in school because of course my friend found out."

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Hal

"Well you all know that just about anything embarrasses me. I'm not as sexually active as some of you, but I do have one horrible experience that still haunts me. I was eighteen and my long time girlfriend and I decided that it was time for us to have sex. She was just as unexperienced as I was so we fumbled around until we both got our clothes off. I did what I was supposed to do to get her ready for...you know...and then slid inside of her. It didn't last long because she felt amazing. She wasn't making noise, but I didn't think much of it. After I was finished I looked at her and she had a confused look on her face. Turns out, my first sexual experience was with her silk sheets. I never even made it inside of her."

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Woody

"My junior year, I got the lead role in my school's production of Romeo and Juliet. The girl chosen to be Juliet was hot and we started dating soon after getting the roles. She decided that we should really get into our characters so our performances were better. We rehearsed every day and we did everything just shy of having sex...so I was beyond frustrated by the time the performances rolled around. I was whacking off three or four times a day just to keep my cool. On opening night, I was in the bathroom trying to relieve some pressure so I wouldn't embarrass myself during the play, but my mom interrupted so I didn't have time to finish. The first kiss between Romeo and Juliet was enough to wake my sleeping giant and with the tights that I had to wear for my costume, it was evident that I had a huge problem after we pulled apart. The entire audience started to snicker and I immediately exited stage right. I earned my nickname that night and later that week lost my virginity to the gorgeous Juliet after the final performance."

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Ram

"I don't have many embarrassing moments because I really don't care about being naked. There is one incident where I was a bit uncomfortable. My parents got divorced when I was seventeen and my dad remarried soon after. I decided to visit him and his wife one summer while I was on leave. When I got there, his wife was out shopping and my dad was down at the barn doing something with the tractor. I decided to take a shower and get the flight stench off of me. I was standing in the shower when suddenly the curtain got ripped back and my dad's wife stepped inside with me. She thought that I was my dad and decided it was time for some afternoon delight. When she realized that it was me and not my dad, she screamed and pushed me out of the shower. My dad, hearing her scream, ran into the bathroom and found me naked on the bathroom floor with his wife standing wrapped in the shower curtain. Explaining that to my dad was a bit difficult but we were all able to laugh about it later that evening."

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Zero

"I was a wild child in college and didn't really care about rules. My group of friends and I were the class clowns and were constantly playing pranks all over campus. During one of our endless drinking nights, I was dared to streak down the football field during the next game. I'm not one to back down from a dare...so on game day, I was there with my group of friends and a hockey mask. I was going to streak, but I didn't want the entire stadium to see my face. The fourth quarter rolled around and I got into place. During a timeout, I made my move. I stripped off my clothes and put on my mask and ran out on to the field. The first few seconds went perfectly because everyone was too stunned to do anything. However after a the shock wore off, I found myself surrounded by security. I got tackled and lost my mask so my identity was no longer hidden. I was led off the field in handcuffs with the entire stadium laughing. Luckily it wasn't a televised game or I would have been killed by my mom. As it was, I was charged with trespassing and public indecency and had to pay a huge ass fine."

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Binkie

"My most embarrassing story is also how I got my damn nickname. I was clubbing one night with a group of friends in college and I met a girl. We hung out in the club and both ended up drinking more than either had intended. I took her back to her apartment and learned very quickly why the girl was single. She was an autonepiophilliac, or she had adult baby syndrome. Her fetish was dressing her 'dates' as babies. It's the only way she could get off. She talked me into wearing a diaper, sucking on a bottle and she even put a giant pacifier in my mouth. It was weird, but she ended up screwing my brains out so I didn't really care. Little did I know that my friend had hooked up with her room-mate and caught us in full role-playing gear. He snapped a picture of me wearing a giant diaper and sucking on a 'binkie'. The name has haunted me ever since."

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Vince

"I was dating a preachers daughter in high school. She didn't like her dad's strict rules so she was quite wild. One afternoon, she invited me to her house. Her parents were out and not scheduled to be back until much later. She attacked me the minute we walked into the house and I soon found myself naked and tied to her bed. She told me that she was going to get something from downstairs. She left me in her room and ran out her door. She was gone a few minutes and then I heard some noises from downstairs. It sounded like an angry male yelling at her and then loud footsteps on the stairs. A very large, angry preacher dad stepped into her room and saw me tied to her bed. I barely got myself untied before he beat the crap out of me. Needless to say, I wasn't able to get dressed before I ran out the door so I had to throw my clothes on in the middle of the street while her dad yelled and threatened me from the front porch. Each of her neighbors stepped out to see what was going on and got the full show."

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Hector (Spoken in Spanish and translated for Steph)

"I lived on the streets as a teen and would do things that I'm not proud of. I had my spots where I would go to get food or to shower. One spot was my favorite to go and shower. It was a local country club that turned on their sprinklers at night. I would use them to get clean. One night, I went and was in the middle of cleaning when I heard people talking around me. Suddenly lights came on and I was standing in the middle of the front lawn naked looking at the participants of the annual 'Night Golf' Fundraiser. I ran, without grabbing my clothes so I had to sneak into a store, naked and steal some clothes. There was a story about me in the paper the next day. The mayor and the governor were at that country club that night."

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Junior

"We've all seen the movie, 'There's Something About Mary'. The scene where the poor schmuck zips his dick up in his zipper...that happened to me. I was distracted and in a hurry one day in middle school. I didn't want to be late to class, but I had to piss. I did my business and yanked my zipper up before putting my junk away. My zipper got about half-way up and then the skin got stuck in its teeth. I didn't know what to do so I ran down to the nurse in a panic. She could barely contain her laughter as she disengaged the zipper's teeth from my delicate skin. Since she was a female and I was male...the principal had to be in the room too and he kept trying to calm me down in between his laughing. When everything was put away properly, the nurse handed me an ice pack and sent me back to class. I didn't even get to go home."

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A/N - I hope I didn't miss any of the guys. I had fun writing this so I hope you all enjoyed reading it. I was torn on what to do with Hector. I almost skipped him but then thought of his most embarrassing moment. :)


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